It happened so fast

I just learned this evening that the woman who taught my EMT-I class over the summer, died suddenly this past Friday.

The person who told me, and whoever told him, had no information on how she died. None of us knew of anything in particular going on that would make this expected, by any means.

I'm stunned.

I was just thinking about her today, intending to e-mail her and check in, see how things were going, and share my own situation and progress.

I guess I won't be able to do that.

All I can think about is that she didn't know this was coming. She hadn't planned for it. I'm sure there were tons of things she intended to do that now won't get done. I know she was spending a fair amount of time caring for her dog, who had had surgery and needed assistance in getting around. Who is going to do that now? She was the director of a paramedic program near here... what happens to those students? To the program? She had plans for changing it over to do more online, and had worked very hard on that. Now what?

What about her family?

She never got to retire. She never got to do whatever it is she would have wanted to do in those years. Whatever it might have been.

The thing is, of course, and you KNOW this, but like most people, probably avoid thinking about it- we're all going to die. None of us know when. And for most of us, it will be unexpected; the timing, at least.

I have done some things in the past couple of years that I had wanted to do for most of my life, and that's a good thing.

But, of course, there are more things I want to do. Want to see. Want to know.
There are things I have planned- from simple things, like going to the library book sale this weekend, to more complex things, like eventually becoming a paramedic. From getting the groceries, to watching my kids mature, and eventually being a grandmother.

There is no way to know whether I will do any of them.
There is no way to know if I will wake up in the morning.
A time will surely come when I won't.

And I can't do a damned thing about it.
I can't live life any faster, to get things done more quickly- or any slower, to postpone the ending.